


who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning? (it ain't me)

by orphan_account



Series: all you have to do is stay [1]
Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Captain America: The First Avenger, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Dreamscapes, Emotional Sex, Endearments, Everything Hurts, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Gentle Sex, Heaven, Hurt Steve Rogers, Kissing, M/M, Making Love, Pet Names, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Praise Kink, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protectiveness, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Steve Dreams of Heaven, Steve Rogers Feels, Stucky - Freeform, This Takes Place In Steve's Head While He Sleeps For 70 Years, Top Bucky Barnes, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 04:32:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10937070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: People used to tell Steve that dying was like falling asleep. Like letting go, drifting off into a dreamscape, never to return. For Steve, it wasn’t exactly like that. When he crashed in the Arctic, first he was conscious and in agony as the ice took his body but left his mind. It took months for his body to shut down, lulling itself into an unwilling state of sleep and slowly but surely, his mind followed.And then he drifted. Fading into the light and dark corners of his mind. That was easy. That was bliss. It was getting there that was hard. But once his body let go, stopped fighting, the peace and warmth of sleep was all he felt. He felt weightless as he fell into nothing and he floated. For the longest time, he dreamt of nothing and soon nothing became fantasies and memories.Captain America died cold and alone.But Steve Rogers woke to Bucky’s blue eyes and their shitty apartment.~~~This is a two part and I promise there will be a happy ending!





	who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning? (it ain't me)

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to It Ain't Me by Selena Gomez & Kygo and this happened. Any mistakes are my own. I own no one. There will be another part, so this isn't the end!
> 
> Also, seen as both Bucky and Steve have had the serum (even if Bucky's is different - they're both super soldiers), the serums takes care of their health, so they don't need to use condoms as they're always in fighting health and are unable to get ill. Aside from in ABO, where they do, if they're not planning for children. And if not, Steve's on the pill, though of course, that can fail too. 
> 
> This is a work of fanfiction, so please remember to stay protected, have check ups and practice safe sex! While it is your body and you can choose to do whatever you want with it, protecting yourself should always come first.

* * *

People used to tell Steve that dying was like falling asleep. Like letting go, drifting off into a dreamscape, never to return. For Steve, it wasn’t exactly like that. When he crashed in the Arctic, first he was conscious and in agony as the ice took his body but left his mind. It took months for his body to shut down, lulling itself into an unwilling state of sleep and slowly but surely, his mind followed.

And then he drifted. Fading into the light and dark corners of his mind. That was easy. That was bliss. It was getting there that was hard. But once his body let go, stopped fighting, the peace and warmth of sleep was all he felt. He felt weightless as he fell into nothing and he floated. For the longest time, he dreamt of nothing and soon nothing became fantasies and memories.

Captain America died cold and alone.

But Steve Rogers woke to Bucky’s blue eyes and their shitty apartment.

*

“Stevie?”

Steve opened his eyes at the sound of his best friend’s voice. “Have you seen my work tie? I threw off last night before bed and can’t seem to find it.”

Bucky walked into their bedroom and threw a spare pillow at his head, “oi, sleepy head. You gotta help me find it, I got a big meetin’ in like, half an hour!”

Steve sat up and wiped his eyes groggily, “whaa?”

He was in his apartment. The place he’d called home after the death of his mother. With its broken sink and cold water. With its fraying wallpaper and crumbling ceiling, shitting fireplace and thin bedsheets. He was _home_. He wasn’t lost somewhere in the Arctic, dead, cold and alone.

He wondered, was this Heaven? It must be if Bucky was here, alive and well.

“Oi, Rogers,” Bucky grinned, eyes bright, “quit starin’ at me. I know I’m pretty but –

Steve flew out of bed and pressed his lips up against Bucky’s. He was small again, shorter than Bucky but with none of the health conditions that he had in the 40’s. He didn’t care. Right now, all he wanted to do was kiss Bucky. His arms wrapped around Bucky’s neck as his legs came to lock around the brunette’s waist. Bucky’s arms wrapped their way around Steve’s tiny waist (something Bucky had loved, even post serum), and squeezed his cute little ass, nipping his way into Steve’s mouth.

“Baby doll,” Bucky purred, kissing Steve again and again, harder this time. He opened his mouth and sucked Steve’s bottom lip, tasting the minty scent of toothpaste and coffee on his lover’s tongue. Steve didn’t even remember brushing his teeth but he supposed that’s what Heaven was like – you’re constantly clean.

“Buck,” Steve whined, clinging onto the other, “I love you, I love you, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, you –

“Hey, nothin’ to say sorry for, sweetheart,” Bucky cupped Steve’s face, “we’re here now. You’re safe and we can be together, forever. I just gotta get to this meetin’ with some official. Apparently, even here they have us workin’.”

“Where are we?” Steve asked, brushing back Bucky’s hair, looking into his lover’s eyes. He’d died after Bucky had. Both figuratively and literally. He couldn’t live without Bucky so wherever they were, it was better than being alive, in a world that didn’t have his best friend in it.

“ _Home_ , baby,” Bucky smiled and kissed Steve’s lips again. “I love you so much, darlin’. I’d stay but I gotta run, I promise I won’t be as late as last night, okay?”

Steve found himself nodding even if he didn’t remember last night or any night before that. All he could remember was crashing and then nothing. But he didn’t question whatever this was. He had Bucky back and that was all that mattered. “Okay,” Steve replied.

Bucky set him down and kissed him fiercely again and again, “God, I’ve really gotta go.” He chuckled and kissed Steve’s forehead before winking at the blond and then ducked out the front door.

He forgot his tie.

*

For a while, it was just the two of them. They had all the time in the world it seemed. Bucky took Steve to see films and they went out to eat. Nothing made sense and yet at the same time, Steve didn’t question it. He didn’t want to. He just wanted to believe that this was real and he was here for good.

And after the first couple of days, he started to.

Steve curled up beside Bucky at night after they’d made love and would cling onto him tightly. Bucky was always gentle with him, kissing his body like he was made of starlight and gold. He would lavish his skin, leave his marks all over while opening him up slowly, sweetly, gently. Steve hadn’t felt pleasure like that in his entire life time. Before, they’d only ever kissed and cuddled, it was too dangerous then.

Now, they had infinity at their fingertips.

Bucky rocked into Steve’s sweet entrance and made him see fireworks. Steve would float and drift on a high, moaning and whimpering as Bucky pumped him full of his release.

“I love you,” Steve whispered between them, tears escaping as Bucky coaxed another orgasm out of him. “Oh, yes, oh Buck, that feels – _fuck_.”

Bucky grinned, growling as he came again in Steve. Apparently, in Heaven they could do this for however long they wanted. And so, they did.

*

Bucky took Steve dancing.

They hit the town nearly every week and danced until their feet were sore. There were a few familiar faces in the crowd but Steve hadn’t seen anyone he knew personally from the past yet.

That is, until a knock came upon his door one night.

“Stay here,” Bucky whispered against Steve’s temple, “I’ll go see who it is.”

Bucky came back a moment later with a huge grin on his face. “Stevie, you’ll never guess who’s here!”

Steve shot out of bed, pulling on one of Bucky’s shirts and boxers, only to skid out of their bedroom and knock himself right into Dum Dum. They were all there, the Howling Commandos as Steve and Bucky had known them.

“Hey there, Captain,” Dum Dum grinned and then hugged Steve tighter than was comfortable but Steve couldn’t bring himself to let go.

So, he didn’t.

*

Steve started drawing again once the Commandos showed up.

He found some art supplies in the cupboard and would spend evenings drawing his friends and Bucky. It was like nothing had ever happened, no time had passed.

Dum Dum was the same, hearty man. Morita was as snarky as ever, Monty seemed to love singing in this world. Well, singing drunkenly and saying things that Steve never quite understood. Dernier and Gabe bonded over their love of languages and in the afternoons, they explored the place they were in. 

It was truly beautiful. Vast blue skies, the golden sun. Birds soaring overhead. Steve found himself wishing he’d been able to appreciate landscapes like this when he’d been alive and well.

And then one evening, an angel appeared to him.

“ _Mom_?”

*

Once his mother showed up (having been on some other worldly plane as she put it), people from his old life kept cropping up. Howard and Maria. His father and others like his old next door neighbour, a couple of friends from school and a few lost souls of which Steve couldn’t remember their names.

It was nice.

It was home.

But something felt wrong.

When Bucky kissed him, Steve felt like he was falling apart, rather than coming together. When Bucky made love to him, opening him up, moving into his body, it felt wonderful yes, but it felt as though it wasn’t real. Like Steve could run his fingers over Bucky’s face and he’d disappear.

He never did, but Steve began to have nightmares about it.

*

Steve shot up in bed, sweating all over. He stared at the wall in front of him, the one leading to the kitchen. The walls of their apartment had begun to look strange. The colour was fading. Steve would have to remember to do something about that. He looked around frantically and found Bucky in bed beside him.

“Buck?”

“Hmm, Stevie?” Bucky sat up, worried. There was something about the colour of his eyes. They were dull. The bright blue of them had faded.

Steve hiccupped a sob into Bucky’s neck as he clung onto him tightly that night, “Buck…please don’t leave me.”

“Oh, doll,” Bucky hugged him close, “I’m never leavin’ you. I love you, so much baby. We’re gonna be together for all of time. Remember? ‘Till the end of the line.”

Steve nodded, sniffling, “sometimes, I don’t feel real Buck.” He looked up at Bucky with big, frightened eyes and trembled, “what if I’m not real?”

Bucky cupped Steve’s face and kissed away his tears, “you are real. And you’re _mine_. You’re safe. You’re with me, Stevie. We’re real and together.”

Steve whimpered and clung on even tighter to Bucky as the ceiling’s colour dulled and the lush brunette locks that Steve loved to run his hands through on Bucky’s head, faded into a grey colour.

*

It started with small things.

The colour of the wallpaper faded.

The ceiling’s off white tone turned to a sluggish grey.

Steve’s art supplies disappeared.

“Buck, where are my paint sets?” Steve asked one afternoon. His heart felt like it was climbing up his throat. What did this mean? Was he losing his mind? Was he dying?

“I think you lent them to Monty,” Bucky replied, walking into the living room. There were bags under his eyes and the smile he wore on his face wasn’t bright. It was cold and dark, dull. Like all the light in his life had been sucked out of him, like he was fading into nothing.

“Buck,” Steve said, his voice was trembling. There was an ache in his voice that hadn’t been there before. Something was wrong. Steve felt like he was being pulled away, torn from Bucky’s grasp.

“Baby,” Bucky whispered, cupping Steve’s face, “I’m right here. I’m right here. What’s wrong, eh?”

Steve whimpered and buried his face in Bucky’s chest, “nothin’. Just please don’t leave, please. Please, I love you. I’ll do anythin’ to stay with you. Please don’t let them take you.”

“Sweetheart,” Bucky picked Steve up and carried them over to their sofa that was fraying, as were their curtains and the lampshades. “I’m never leavin’ you.”

Even though Bucky didn’t have the colour in his eyes or the shade in his hair, Steve could still see the blue glinting in the grey. He could see the light in his smile and feel the warmth in his arms. He was Bucky. He knew he was. Whatever was going on, was just something in the background.

“I love you so much,” Bucky whispered and Steve knew that this was Bucky.

He knew it as he knew his own name. Could see the colour of Bucky’s lips and the curve of his smile. See the way he moved and feel his skin.

Could picture their paint fights, bright colours of reds and pinks splashing on their fading walls. He could feel Bucky’s lips on his own, the way they made love and watched the stars.

Memories of past experiences and new ones all melding into one messy paint pallet for Steve to keep.

Steve hiccupped into Bucky’s mouth as they kissed. It went on for hours. Steve couldn’t stop and Bucky didn’t mind. Steve relished in Bucky’s hands on him, the feeling of his skin against his own. He could hear the thudding of Bucky’s heartbeat, feel his harsh breaths against his neck as Bucky slid inside him.

He cried out as Bucky let him fall over the edge and swim the golden light that Steve always felt around Bucky. Steve put it all down to memory, every touch and feeling as he came apart. As the tears fell from his eyes and the beating of his heart thudded in his chest.

As Bucky’s hands wiped those tears away and kissed his nose. As Bucky’s comforting words washed over him, holding him close. “I’m right here. Always, Stevie.”

As the apartment, they called home faded from sight and all Steve could see was Bucky. He could hear his laugh and feel his kiss. It was all he ever needed.

“No, please,” Steve cried, clinging onto Bucky even as he began to fade into the light behind him, “no, please, please don’t go. You promised, you promised me!”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere, Stevie,” Bucky said fiercely, “I’m always with you. I promise.” He was crying. There were tears on his cheeks and a tremble in his voice.

“No!” Steve sobbed, “no! Please don’t take him. Please, Bucky. Stay, you promised you’d stay. Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me. I can’t lose you, not again.”

“You’re not losin’ me, baby,” Bucky cupped his face, “you never have. I’ve always been here. Right here.” He placed his hand over Steve’s heart.

“Don’t – don’t –

“I have to Stevie,” Bucky cried, hugging Steve close, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry sweetheart. Just this time and I promise, we’ll never be apart again.”

The light was nearly upon them and the life Steve had lived here was disappearing, floating away into the back of his mind, along with all his dreams and memories of a time long forgotten.

“Bucky, no, no, I can’t live without you!” Steve begged, grabbing onto what was left of Bucky’s shoulders, “please, take me with you, take me with you.”

Bucky smiled sadly, kissing Steve one last time, “you gotta wake up, doll. You gotta wake up darlin’. I’ll find you, I promise. Whatever world you’re in, I’ll find you, baby. I’ll always find you Stevie.”

The scream on Steve’s lips was never heard.

He opened his eyes and there was a woman in his room telling him it was 2011.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll update as soon as I can!


End file.
